Heartbreaks and Loss – My perspective

#love #movingon
I meet a lot of women clients and people I know personally who have been or are going through some form of heartbreak, relationship loss or lost love. 
And, being there at some point in my life, it just felt right to write about how I feel about it all. 
In a society, where time becomes very important and a lot of people around us cannot see us in pain, the need to get over a heartbreak or loss as quickly as possible is usually very high. It’s like we are under this constant pressure to get over it, somehow evade it and become the strong, sassy woman that everyone expects us to be, independent and managing everything on our own, not complaining and feeling very strong. 
And in turn, psychologically, a lot of us put ourselves through that pressure to just get over it quickly and move on. Many a times, letting the wounds cry and suppressed in our hearts, letting the pain of missing someone and feeling broken and vulnerable be subdued and letting the fact that we can be broken sometimes completely hidden. 
There is this whole pressure of time. Been so long , you should get over it. Why have you not got over it. 
Some of us try entering the other relationships with those subdued wounds, still living a broken reality and broken relationships and somehow just like this, we keep moving on. 
Now, I would want to share the flip side of it. And atleast that is how I felt and have seen many I have known feeling. 
Irrespective of the way people part, it doesn’t happen that just because one day someone moved on and someone is standing where they were, everything changes. The physical body, the emotional body needs some time. Some energy to process it all. The overall molecules go through a deep change. 

The pain needs it’s time to be accepted and healed. It needs an expression . 
In a painful state, one is vulnerable and wounded. Any support might feel less to them. The body slows down because of trauma and there is a lot of energy that has to leave for something new to sort of enter. 
The pain is double for the person is dealing with loss and the physical reality where certain habits and patterns of co-dependency have been formed. The person is dealing with the mixed worlds of hopelessness and hope. 
I personally feel it’s unfair to expect anyone to shut up or not express their pain or expect them to rebound in like a second. Having said that, there is a difference between expression of pain vis a vis victomhood. Know to identify what you can and when you can. 
It’s important that the grief that the person goes through is processed and expressed. It is important that the space the person needs to get over things is given. 
In most of my sessions, one thing that I have noticed is that before even we close the earlier chapters in our hearts completely, we move on to next one and keep creating similar realities. 
I would just ask, what if we stop pretending everything is okay just to make others happy. And just acknowledge that it’s okay to not be okay, to not be able to smile and take our own time to resolve things and then move forward. 
What if it’s okay to express how we truly feel and let it out . What if it’s okay to be vulnerable. 
And if you are on other side, or a man who left the woman or woman who left the man, or a friend watching the friend in pain, what if it’s okay to give your unconditional listening and little support that can help them in assembling themselves back into a new reality. 
Would that change something for someone I wonder.


Waste? Am I attached to it? 

I suddenly had a lot of garbage surrounding my house. One in front of my house and one in side of my house. 
Then, I noticed, my toilet flush started giving in problems. It did not look normal to me. And electricity went off. 
Esp for me,   I look at everything as a sign if it catches my inner attention. 
And then I had an epiphany, I decided to check my belief on 
“I allow myself to let go of every kind of waste from within and around me easily and effortlessly
I have the Creators perspective on Waste”
With help of belief check, I realised it’s negative. That means, somewhere I am not allowing anything that is meant to leave my space to go easily and effortlessly. 
I repeated the above statements several times and asked for it to be downloaded in my system.. 
And now, something feels has shifted. 
And light comes back in my house as I write this. 
Waste can also mean, thoughts, feelings, emotions, fears, bondages, people, attachment etc. 
See if this resonates with you. 
And try 😘
In Joy


Appraisals – Is life asking you to choose more. 

I have been getting a lot of calls, energies of people frustrated with their jobs, feeling invalidated, feelings of being treated in an unjust manner and resultant overall lack of enthusiasm in life and everything. A sense or need to break down and cry or just evade everything. A part of me at some point has resonated a lot with these energies and today, I wondered, if there is anything I can say or do that can perhaps give a different perspective to this situation. 

The first thing that came across to my mind is that we as individuals assign all our self-worth to the jobs we do. Indirectly, it is also a psychological trap used by organizations and bosses to get most out of their employees. We become machines in the process trying to gain a sense of achievement by giving all of us to the organization and work and in the process neglecting other aspects of life. More than that, we assign a lot of importance to how bosses treat us, how they should be with us, how our peers are being treated. All of it combined, when is not met with resulting appreciation in form of appraisals or ratings or inclusion in meetings or important decisions, we start feeling left out. We start feeling less somehow. We start feeling angry, helpless, powerless and victimized. Just because the guy who we felt did not deserve promotion got it, we start feeling more anxiety and depression and a sense that it is not worth it. And in coming months, either we become extremely dissatisfied with life or look for options. To look for another option that can somehow fill that vacuum of self-worth within us. 

Another perspective I had is, which I did not look at when I was in job, that the salary which I would have got in last financial year was always good enough to meet my needs, so how is it that a certain percentage up and down next year collapses my dreams and hopes and ignites so much of unrest. Just because the person next to me or someone I know somewhere got something better, my life is not good again. 

And, are we doing jobs only for that percentage growth and rating, or jobs are a small part of our larger lives. 

It’s a two way trap. Somehow, we have assigned the meaning of happiness and joy only with highest grades, getting maximum promotions, fancy houses and cars, getting included by others in their lives and work, being ahead of others and so on. 

Where is it, that it is okay for us to choose for ourselves. To choose what really ignites our hearts and be totally comfortable and okay with the choices we make and what they create. Where is it that we give away our power to be happy, to create a joyful life to our salaries, to our bosses, to the promotions and ratings and to the peers who apparently do well in life as per materialistic standards. 

Where is it that we decide that what we have suddenly is less because someone else has more. 

Are we really in tune with our lives. 

Are we really in tune with what expands our lives. 

Does the happiness of getting a promotion or salary hike stay beyond a month or two, does it end the need to seek same next year and next year and so on? 

I am not saying that it’s wrong to seek something, I am only questioning the compulsiveness of our need to give away our power, our self-worth in someone or something else’s hands. 

While it’s good to be passionate, the thing is what truly brings you Joy should not shatter with someone else’s assessment of you. The same office that you loved before appraisal becomes he’ll suddenly as you feel victimised and excluded. 

And that could also be a moment to honestly ask yourself is life asking you to expand your horizons. 

If we truly knew, we can create anything we desire in our life, if we truly knew that life is beautiful and much more can be done wherever we are, without attaching too much meaning to it, will it really affect us so much that someone rated us 3 or 4 or 5. And, will it really have the power to shatter all that we are. 

Is there something more than the four walls of our cabins and cubicles, a possibility for better life perhaps. 

And, can we add more happiness to our lives by exploring other dimensions like gardening, hobbies, self-actualization, creation or anything. 

Take a deep breath, couple of more and then think, is it really that bad. 
Some people i shared this with shared some

In Joy